Author: Sonic Rob

A Peek Into the Mind of Sonic Rob

Doop de doo, good morning, computer. Starting you up, dum de dum*. I’m going to go get some coffee while you do that.

Ah, that’s better. Hello, work chat client. Hello, personal chat client. Hello, Outlook; go away now. Hello, web browser. Hi there Google Reader.

Oh, Google Reader. Look at you. You look so healthy right now. Nobody would ever know.

Sonic Rob pours out some coffee for his RSS aggregator.

Penny Arcade, that’s nice. Questionable Content, you’re really more of a routine than something I “enjoy”. Oh Rude Pundit, you so rude. Rock, Paper, Shotgun, argh, I’m incredibly backed up with you. Let’s clear out some articles that I’m not going to get to.

Thing about Settlers: don’t need to read. Thing about graphics cards: don’t need to read. Thing about Battlefield 3 mods: don’t need to read. Thing about PC monitor tech plateauing: open in new tab. Indie game, AAA game, MMO Beta: mlehmpgh. Dead Island 2 review: hm. News that there may be news about another XCOM game: huzzah.

“Relic Foresees ‘Strong Possibility’ Of More Dawn Of War”

*Cough* I’m sorry, who what now?

Continue reading A Peek Into the Mind of Sonic Rob

Music Chat: The Thermals “Desperate Ground”

Fyrehaar: New Thermals album
Fyrehaar: sounds so samey
Fyrehaar: wish they would play around with their sound profile
Sonic Rob: yeah 🙁
Sonic Rob: I remember the songs being a lot of the same tempo as well
Fyrehaar: there are some good lyrics in here
Fyrehaar: I just want a wider audio range
Fyrehaar: lo fi is cute and all but they did that
Fyrehaar: I want to take this and mess with it
Fyrehaar: change some tempos
Fyrehaar: like, turn one of these into a ballad
Fyrehaar: do another one as punk rock
Fyrehaar: maybe an acoustic
Fyrehaar: it just sounds like B sides from BBM
Fyrehaar: same fucking rhythm
Fyrehaar: Jesus
Fyrehaar: it’s just so unoriginal
Fyrehaar: Thermals, I am disappoint
Continue reading Music Chat: The Thermals “Desperate Ground”

Everyone Chats: Assassin’s Creed IV

 

Fyrehaar: watched the ACIV trailer
Fyrehaar: first impression
Fyrehaar: “What if Heath Ledger was reborn as an assassin the 18th century??
Fyrehaar: also
Fyrehaar: is this Connor’s son?
Fyrehaar: or another line of descent?
Sonic Rob: it’s Haytham’s dad
Sonic Rob: this is the first game to be set earlier than the previous game
Fyrehaar: ahh, cool, going back a bit to the golden age
Sonic Rob: perzactly
Fyrehaar: I was wondering when they were going to have to start doing that
Fyrehaar: which explains why he seems to be an amoral, sexy asshole
Continue reading Everyone Chats: Assassin’s Creed IV

Guest Chat: Movies

Sonic Rob: also, I had a dream last night that we were in a Saw movie and I got you killed
Sonic Rob: in a giant bread maker
Sig Fem Seks: Not again
Sonic Rob: whoa
Sonic Rob: that’s what you said in the dream
Sonic Rob: the great bit was, after I watched you die horribly in a giant kneading machine
Sonic Rob: and then found your body, torn apart, sealed in lucite, and strangely beardless
Sonic Rob: we all left the theater and you were like “man, that was the worst acting role I’ve ever had. they got me to be in that film under FALSE PRETENSES.”
Sig Fem Seks: ???
Sonic Rob: well, you didn’t explain any further
Sig Fem Seks: …
Sig Fem Seks: ?????

I Play Video Games: Uncharted

Heya Fyre,

I finally cracked open the PS3 I got for Black Friday in earnest and had a go at Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune. I did this as much to set the stage for Uncharted 2: Among Thieves as to experience the first game; Uncharted is known as a hit, but Uncharted 2 is known as a PS3 all-time classic and I wanted to go in with the first game under my belt so I’d be able to understand what’s so great about it. Having started UC2, I can say this was absolutely the right thing to do, as the opening of the sequel is entertaining without the backstory, but blackly hilarious once you know what Drake has already been through.

But first, Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune.

Box art for Uncharted - A white man with several guns, in a jungle.
Continue reading I Play Video Games: Uncharted

Trailer Trash: Everything

Sonic Rob: so: Oblivion, or After Earf?
Sig Fem Seks: Oblivion for sure
Sonic Rob: just because you like Elder Scrolls?
Sig Fem Seks: After Earf is M Night
Sonic Rob: between that and 2 members of the Smith family being in it
Sig Fem Seks: Also, that.
Sonic Rob: Tom Cruise’s Career Keeps Sinking Into Oblivion
Sig Fem Seks: Oblivion Obliterates Box Obffice
Sonic Rob: After Earth: Life in the Smithpocalypse
Sonic Rob: M. Night Sham
Sonic Rob: holy crap, does Will Smith die in the first shot of that trailer?
Sonic Rob: ok, you lost me at “wing suit”
Sonic Rob: I just hate those things
Sig Fem Seks: but
Sig Fem Seks: Far Cry 3 has a wing suit
Sonic Rob: NO
Sonic Rob: so does Blops
Sonic Rob: wing suit is the new bloom
Sig Fem Seks: It’s so awesome in Far Cry 3
Sig Fem Seks: it’s like Prototype style
Sig Fem Seks: use it as a fast travel basically
Sonic Rob: man, we are just convinced the world is ending, eh?
Sig Fem Seks: I guess so!
Sig Fem Seks: I can’t wait to see what happens on the 21st
Sig Fem Seks: not disasters, but people
Sonic Rob: there’s gonna be a lot of suicide
Sig Fem Seks: There’s gonna be a lot of free sex
Continue reading Trailer Trash: Everything

Chat Box: Borderlands 2 New Class

Sonic Rob: OK, new DLC class: The Trillionaire.
Sonic Rob: You are a clone of Handsome Jack created by a New-U malfunction
Sonic Rob: Handsome Jacques
Sonic Rob: you have a French accent now
Sonic Rob: Jacques le Beau
Sonic Rob: Your skill trees are: Wealth, Arrogance, and Delusion
Sonic Rob: Wealth skills allow you to buff your chances of item drops, increase the amount of cash the team earns, and allow you to spend cash and items in return for summonable one-shot pets and ammo crates in the field
Sonic Rob: wealth lets you spend eridium on adding e-tech effects to weapons
Sonic Rob: 1-point talent: summon vending machine
Sonic Rob: Delusion talents allow you to completely ignore reality and substitute your own
Sonic Rob: Arrogance talents allow you to irritate the hell out of enemies
Sonic Rob: Summon Butt Stallion
Sonic Rob: 1 point talent: I Fucked Your Mom
Sonic Rob: (Probably. I Mean, Odds Are I Did)
Sonic Rob: ((Chicks Dig Rich Guys))
Continue reading Chat Box: Borderlands 2 New Class

Be Careful What You Wish For

Alongside the news that Disney is buying out Lucasfilm from George Lucas/Lucas is buying his way into Disney using his company as collateral, numerous web sites are reporting that the buyout announcement is accompanied by news of Star Wars Episode VII, the pointless continuation of a perfectly-concluded film trilogy that many Star Wars fans have probably already got a homemade script for, and which will be derided by each and every one of those fans for not being true to the franchise due to even minor variations from their ironclad expectations.

Sorry to disappoint those fans, but we have the script for the first Disney-produced Star Wars film, and it is… probably not what you are hoping for.

Leaked first scene of the script to STAR WARS EPISODE VII
By about 8 script doctors, with creative input from GEORGE LUCAS

OPENING CRAWL:

It is a time of great upheaval. The destruction of the second DEATH STAR and the death of EMPEROR PALPATINE at the hands of his apprentice DARTH VADER have signaled the end of the evil GALACTIC EMPIRE. The forces of the REBELLION continue to fight pockets of Imperial resistance, but the vast majority of the galaxy is now free from oppression.

With freedom, however, comes the opportunity for crime and farcical misbehavior. On the run from his former employers, the HUTTS of Tattooine, Corellian smuggler CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW and his motley crew of miscreants are seeking a treasure that could bring them the greatest prize of all: eternal life.

With both the forces of the disintegrating Empire and the victorious Rebellion in hot pursuit, Captain Jack and the crew of the BLACK PEARLY FALCON desperately race to stay one step ahead of their enemies and reach the prize first…

PAN DOWN TO THE FAMILIAR BROWN CURVE OF TATTOOINE, THE SANDY BUTTHOLE OF THE GALAXY ITSELF

THE BLACK PEARLY FALCON, A BATTERED BUT SPEEDY MERCHANT VESSAL ZOOMS INTO FRAME FROM BELOW, LASER BLASTS WHIPPING PAST IT NOISILY IN VIOLATION OF ALL PHYSICAL LAWS

Continue reading Be Careful What You Wish For