Author: Sonic Rob

We’re In Yr Society, Alterin Yr Culture [Updated]

One of the trends I’ve found most interesting in the last few years has been the proliferation of what can only be called nerd weddings. There have always been those dorks who got all gussied up in their RenFaiyre finest and Spock ears to go get hitched Tolkien-style in the woods (or at GenCon), but dork nuptials have hit the mainstream in an undeniable fashion complete with giant white dresses, buzzing swarms of photographers and caterers, fancy locations, and federal bailout levels of expense . Nowhere is this more apparent than in the burgeoning demand for shatteringly geeky wedding cakes, “no really, made by a real baker with real fondant and everything” ziggurats of matrimonial pastry. Without further ado, three awesome, highly nerdy wedding cakes:

Continue reading We’re In Yr Society, Alterin Yr Culture [Updated]

Amid Other Seemingly-Reasonable Questions

Dear Skynet,

When you created your incredibly evil human-slaughtering 2-wheeled Termicycles, why in the name of Steve McQueen did you give them handlebar grips, shift levers, brake levers, and the rest of the control systems that would allow a human being to ride them?

Just askin’. Cause, y’know, you could have saved yourself a lot of trouble if you’d left off even one of those many components. I mean, if you wanted to.

Love,

-ssr

Chat Box

FyreHaar: have you ever done Brazilian BBQ?
FyreHaar: it’s intense
Sonic Rob: “done” it?
Sonic Rob: what, is BBQ a martial art down there?
FyreHaar: oh dude!
FyreHaar: men come to you with grilled meat on swords
FyreHaar: they are roving meatmongers
Sonic Rob: whoa
Sonic Rob: that is some intense dining right there
FyreHaar: there is a salad bar
FyreHaar: ignore it
FyreHaar: you have to prepare
FyreHaar: mentally
FyreHaar: oh, I wasn’t ready when I did it with the Mans in Chicago
FyreHaar: Leatherman acquitted himself well
FyreHaar: it’s crazy
FyreHaar: just    so     meaty!!!
FyreHaar: very orky as well, now that I think about it
Sonic Rob: your food arrives on a weapon
FyreHaar: oi, cut me some of that!!!
FyreHaar: they just cut you a bit and carry on roving with their meat stick
FyreHaar: parmesan crusted porkchop
FyreHaar: crazy rich
Sonic Rob: yow
FyreHaar: yeah
FyreHaar: like I said you need to prepare
FyreHaar: I’m in training for this shit
Sonic Rob: srsly
FyreHaar: I’m actually gonna skip bootcamp for a night
Sonic Rob: train by eating 1/4 pound of raw cheese every day
FyreHaar: with four raw eggs
FyreHaar: and then cement powder
FyreHaar: get used to dealing with a brick in your stomach

Video Game Pocket Review Chat

Sonic Rob: oh, I started playing GTA4 with the Baker last night
Sonic Rob: we played for 2 hours or so
Sonic Rob: and by the end she was pretty disappointed
Sonic Rob: “you haven’t stolen any cars!”
Sonic Rob: “that’s ’cause I don’t want to get my ass beat by these vicious-ass cops!”
FyreHaar: it’s way less rampagey than GTAIII
FyreHaar: the cops are fucking everywhere!!
Sonic Rob: also, Nico surrenders if they so much as gently pat him on the head
Sonic Rob: the acting and story seem really good so far
Sonic Rob: although I’m glad I turned subtitles on before the Jamaican guy showed up
Sonic Rob: or I wouldn’t have had a fucking clue what he was saying

Chat Box

FyreHaar: if the Baker was having your baby, would you attend the birth?
FyreHaar: there have been some headlines lately about celebrity dads not attending the births of their children
FyreHaar: and I’m just wondering if dudes aren’t into it.
Sonic Rob: wha guh gah
Sonic Rob: If she what now?
FyreHaar: purely hypothetical
Sonic Rob: it better be!
Sonic Rob: is there anything I need to know?
FyreHaar: no, it’s just a hypothetical question!!!!!
Sonic Rob: /hyperventilate
Sonic Rob: of course I’d be there
Sonic Rob: I’m her ride

Film Century 1.5

Hell yeah, power movie weekend!

Nov. 4 The Professional – For all the blood and smoke, there’s something charmingly innocent about a tale of perfectly chaste love, no matter how many bullets are involved. 112/150
Nov. 6 (Untitled) – A well-deserved blowtorch up the ass to self-obsessed artists and the assholes that enable them. 113/150
Nov. 7 Nerdcore Rising – Shockingly honest and instrospective at times for a documentary about novelty music. 114/150
Nov. 7 Franklyn – What do you bet people will still whip out the tired old gambit of calling this director “visionary” even when his vision consists mostly of other people’s movies? 115/150
Nov. 8 Resident Evil – 100 minutes of stuff that isn’t fucking Resident Evil! 116/150
Nov. 9 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest – Too goddamned much of a good thing, like being forced to eat a gallon of ice cream at gunpoint. 117/150

Film Century 1.5

Oct. 22 Fast & Furious – Some movies wear their stupidity proudly, like a badge of honor, but then there are those movies so profoundly, prophetically stupid that they think the badge is actually for being smart. 106/150
Oct. 26 Hellboy II: The Golden Army – Relentlessly grim and hopeless in its way, like a post-modern Lord of the Rings where the good guys and bad guys have all been shuffled up. 107/150
Oct. 27 Death Race – Wait wait wait, did Paul W.S. Anderson, of all people, seriously try to bite Ridley Scott’s style from Gladiator for this? 108/150
Nov. 1 Man On Wire – Looks like a documentary about tightrope walking, but is actually a mash note to the beauty in urban landscapes, a search for the cathedral in every building. 109/150
Nov. 2 The Goonies – It’s probably a sign of a life lived completely out of order that this movie reminded me of the Deadmines instead of the other way around. 110/150
Nov. 4 The Mummy – Bastardizes Indiana Jones, splitting a single complex character (two-fisted adventurer, passionate intellectual, and treasure-hunting rogue), into an ensemble of 1-dimensional ones; and you know, it’s still better than half of the actual Indy movies. 111/150