Is Josh Tyler’s review of The Backup Plan, the latest cliffside impact of Jennifer Lopez’ long, spastic plummet into the Canyon of Obsolescence:
The Back-up Plan is one of the ten most terrifying movie experiences of my life. The other nine movies on that list are a motley and varied assortment of everything from M. Night Shyamalan to Hitchcock, yet this one is in a class of its own. I can only assume from the bubble-gum pop blaring out of the theater’s speakers that it was director Alan Paul’s intention to create another one of those bland Jennifer Lopez romantic comedies which seem to do so well. But replace The Back-up Plan’s secretary rock score with music composed mostly of chillingly high-pitched string instruments and you’d have the scariest movie of the year.
That’s the dumbest paragraph in the review, and it still makes me giggle.
-ssr
[h/t Pajiba, which has also been nice enough to post Fyre’s review of The American Way of Death. See how I brought all that together? It’s like the circle of life. Hakuna Matata, bitches.]