Trailer Chat: The Green Hornet

Sonic Rob: if seth rogen is not fat, is he still seth rogen?

Sonic Rob: it’s like a tree falling in the forest kinda thing

FyreHaar: Seth Rogen not fat is like Seth Rogen

FyreHaar: for the ladies

FyreHaar: like, we like him when he’s schlubby and charming, but with a little more muscle definition he definitely starts to move the mercury

FyreHaar: I like skinny Seth

FyreHaar: I don’t really have any knowledge of the pre-history of the GH

FyreHaar: and I have to say that preview seems to indicate a fun summer action movie with lots of the funny

FyreHaar: and a sweet car with guns

Sonic Rob: well, it’s Michele Gondry directing

FyreHaar: OOOhhhh!

FyreHaar: Gondry!

Sonic Rob: so I expect that the movie will suck fucking donkey balls until the third act

FyreHaar: It’s got Tom Wilkinson, who is good in everything

FyreHaar: he’s like the thinking man’s Harvey Keitel

Sonic Rob: how come he never lives past the halfway point of a film?

FyreHaar: better things to do

Sonic Rob: got another movie to be in

FyreHaar: “I’m due on the West End next week, hurry it up and write me out!”

Sonic Rob: is that John Cho as Kato?

FyreHaar: I am not familiar with Harold and Kumar

FyreHaar: but I think you are correct

FyreHaar: in which case

FyreHaar: how does acting stoned translate to acting un-emotive?

Sonic Rob: nope, it is Jay Chou

Sonic Rob: Asian guys do not all look the same

Sonic Rob: just those two dudes

Sonic Rob: I’m always a little weirded out when Seth is supposed to be kicking ass

Sonic Rob: I know that anyone can kick ass in movies

Sonic Rob: but it just seems so silly with him

FyreHaar: we will see how much as he actually kicks, I have the feeling that Kato does most of the work while Rogen is the idea man and shoots guns

Sonic Rob: there is a shot in the trailer of him in mid-slow-mo-asskick

FyreHaar: oh I thought that was Kato

FyreHaar: because there is a large amount of bullshit to be called on that

FyreHaar: there will undoubtedly be a training montage

Sonic Rob: you don’t think he’ll just be spontaneously awesome?

FyreHaar: that would be weak

FyreHaar: super weak

FyreHaar: hella weak

FyreHaar: weak sauce

Sonic Rob: so the Green Hornet is basically Batman if Bruce Wayne seriously was the sort of drunken fratboy goober that he pretends to be?

FyreHaar: yeah

FyreHaar: it’s a comment on Batman

FyreHaar: and the loyal butler. Also on every white hero who was supported by a minority sidekick who actually did the heavy lifting

Sonic Rob: wait, how many other white heroes have a minority sidekick who does all the work?

Sonic Rob: besides Inspector Gadget?

FyreHaar: Inspector Clouseau

FyreHaar: The Lone Ranger

Sonic Rob: hold up, Clouseau’s sidekick is literally called Kato

FyreHaar: yes!

Sonic Rob: that’s double dipping there

FyreHaar: no

FyreHaar: it’s referential

Sonic Rob: you can’t parody a parody

FyreHaar: of course you can

Sonic Rob: ok, but Green Hornet can’t parody a thing that came after it

Sonic Rob: this is impossible by the laws of linear time

FyreHaar: it’s a reboot

Sonic Rob: did the original not have the same dynamic?

FyreHaar: I have no knowledge of the original

FyreHaar: I speak from a seat of ignorance

FyreHaar: Tzeentch is my master

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *