Sig Fem Seks: Story: Dishonored is the story of Corvo Smith, a supernatural assassin living in a near future past city called Ratsburg. Ratsburg has become overrun with giant killer rats, and Corvo is recruited by a secret organization called “The Skeleton Masks” to kill the city guards he can find, who continue to fuel the rat infestation with their poor sanitation habits. Corvo is hunted by the game’s antagonist, Spymaster Killgallon, who will stop at nothing to stop and capture Corvo so that he may use his supernatural powers to make the Queen of Ratsburg fall deeply in love with him. Corvo must ultimately decide between helping rid the city of these pests by using his powers to murder those who oppose him, or use his abilities to make the Queen fall in love while remaining stealthy and reserved. When the ghost of Corvo’s wife appears to him in the middle of the night, Corvo must make the most important decision of his life. Sonic Rob: Strategy tip: Acquiring too much honor through doing good deeds will lose Corvo his Dishonored status, ending the game. If you find yourself unable to assassinate your underage orphan targets, make sure to regularly visit Rape Alley to keep your honor in check. Continue reading Chat Box: We Played Dishonored For You
So Autumn is here, and with it the awful hate parade that is the Video Game Holiday Season, now literally longer than an actual season.
Most other towering horrors are best tackled with some sort of gameplan, so I’m going to throw down a rough outline of the upcoming media torrent’s few offerings that I hope might be filled with creamy dulce de gioco rather than the grainy nougat of mediocrity:
October 6 – Resident Evil 6
I have RE5 still sitting unopened on the game shelf, so this isn’t any sort of early purchase, but RE4 was so, so, so very good that I still have tons of leftover good will for the action-horror era the franchise has moved into. Once I’m done with 5 – someday, shortly after I learn Esperanto and lose 20 pounds – 6 will pop up onto my “buy this game if it’s under $20” radar. Assuming it doesn’t just turn out to be shit.
Hey, is it me, or does Leon get to wear the best jackets in these games?
Fyrehaar: also, totally OT Fyrehaar: “Peoples claims in the countersuit that every decision he made was approved by Keith Young. And he calls Vince Young’s unwillingness to accept responsibility “a common occurrence … as (former Titans coach) Jeff Fisher, (Texas coach) Mack Brown, numerous NFL executives, coaches, teammates, scouts, girlfriends and illegitimate children will attest.” Sonic Rob: oh snap Fyrehaar: right? Sonic Rob: btw, playing the Raiders in madden franchise mode is an exercise in frustration Fyrehaar: why them, do they cut and move to another city mid-season Sonic Rob: well, you can Sonic Rob: it might help, actually Sonic Rob: they’re locked into several multi-year high-paying contracts with mediocre players Fyrehaar: oh damn Fyrehaar: and you have to honor them Sonic Rob: so you start off with a shit team, you’re trying to rebuild it with free agents and good draft picks Sonic Rob: and meanwhile Jamarcus Russel’s salary is 10m and climbing every year so I can’t afford to hire the rookies I draft Sonic Rob: to say nothing of Javon “$14m over 5 years isn’t enough for me to hang onto the goddamned ball” Walker Sonic Rob: or Robert “mobility and pass-blocking skills of a rusted dumptruck” Gallery Fyrehaar: time to Moneyball that shit! Sonic Rob: no, I’m seriously gonna go for Moneyball here Fyrehaar: nice Sonic Rob: I trade draft picks so that instead of drafting 1 player in each of 7 rounds I’m drafting 4 or 5 times each in the 4th and 5th round Fyrehaar: heh Fyrehaar: get some options from other teams for that shit Fyrehaar: trade Russell!! Sonic Rob: get lots of solid dudes locked into 7-year contracts for cheap Sonic Rob: and instead of having a buff first string with shitty everyone else, have depth Fyrehaar: word Fyrehaar: depth is where it’s at Sonic Rob: If I trade Russel I take his guaranteed pay for the year as a cap hit Fyrehaar: oh fuckin hell Fyrehaar: he’s a damned poison pill Sonic Rob: I literally can’t afford to trade him away now that his pay has ballooned so high Fyrehaar: art imitates life Fyrehaar: but that is the point isn’t it? Sonic Rob: At Least with Nnamdi Asomugha he costs his weight in gold but he’s worth it Fyrehaar: Man, there are some great names in the NFL, aren’t there? Fyrehaar: Like, they could all work for NPR when they retire
FyreHaar: we got one today FyreHaar: and the e-mail on the resume was FyreHaar: MrVegas1965 Sonic Rob: on Sonic Rob: on a resume? FyreHaar: yes Sonic Rob: like, to try and get a job with? FyreHaar: at a fortune 500 company Sonic Rob: Mr Vegas 1965 is your email address if you do Mel Torme covers on Fremont Street FyreHaar: is that not hilarious? Sonic Rob: It says (in order): I am slightly patriarchal; I lack any sense of irony when consuming popular culture; I am around 50 years old FyreHaar: didn’t even read the rest of the resume Sonic Rob: gmail is free, yo! FyreHaar: right? FyreHaar: you can make a new address! FyreHaar: they aren’t rationed Sonic Rob: Dude P Dudington@gmail is available right now Sonic Rob: or whatever your name is FyreHaar: or yahoo FyreHaar: or hotmail FyreHaar: or whatever Sonic Rob: I feel bad for this dude. He is a middle aged guy, on his 2nd or 3rd career now, and not internet savvy enough to realize that his old AOL account name isn’t very professional FyreHaar: did you not have e-mail at your last job? FyreHaar: do you think it has to be the same user name everywhere or you will break the internet? Continue reading What’s My Name: Resume Edition
Sonic Rob: I was listening to a podcast Sonic Rob: Ash Bursh was saying there is feminist film crit about how Uma Thurman has to use a sword/phallus and dress like a man in Kill Bill Sonic Rob: and I was thinking Sonic Rob: at the end she is dressed like a woman and she beats him by catching his sword in her sheath Sonic Rob: which is pretty goddamned vaginal FyreHaar: you know I never saw Part II, right? Sonic Rob: fuck you, spoiler statute of limitations is up FyreHaar: or you do now Sonic Rob: it’s been like 8 years FyreHaar: oh, I’m not complaining about the spoiler FyreHaar: and yes it’s extremely vaginal FyreHaar: as if to truly overthrow the masculine enemy she must stop using that enemies tools and tactics FyreHaar: and embrace her essential femininity Sonic Rob: well, then she punches him to death
The writing is on the wall for my beloved Winona, as she is now struggling to run Total War: Shogun 2, a demanding but by no means unprecedented strategy title from last year. I’m sure she’ll be able to swing Portal 2 when I get around to it as well as any number of other titles; indie stuff like Bastion still glides along just fine.
It’s only a matter of time though, now. If your PC fails to run a current game at playable speeds even on lowest settings – any game not named Crysis – you’re going to need to start spending a lot more time looking at Tom’s Hardware in the near future.
$10 once again gets you three new maps (for a total of 11 if you bought the previous DLC) and a new play mode, Dreadnought Assault. In this mode two teams compete to capture a point in the middle of the map, presumably much like in Seize Ground. The team that succeeds spawns a player-controlled Dreadnought armed with an Assault Cannon, Meltagun, and giant crushy killy fist thing. It’s the closest the game has yet come to just giving players a tank. Once the dreadnought is destroyed the process begins again. It’s not clear from the press release how you go about winning this mode, although at a guess I’d reckon either kills or by summoning the Dread a certain number of times.
There’s also yet another set of skins for the outrageous price of $3 each. This time it’s Death Guard and Iron Hands, which at least should give the game artists a chance to have some fun with bionic legs, distended bellies, and so forth.
I’m sort of intrigued by all of this but I’m wondering about how the Dreadnought gets around the map. Can he smash through walls? Does he have to duck to get through doorways?
What do you think? Is anyone still playing Space Marine?
Sonic Rob: question, btw Fyrehaar: ?? Sonic Rob: yo, is this racist?: Leeroy Jenkins Fyrehaar: ooohhh Fyrehaar: good question Sonic Rob: cause it’s funny as fuck Sonic Rob: but the name, and the way he says it Sonic Rob: and the chicken Fyrehaar: well Fyrehaar: we aren’t laughing because we don’t know Leeroy’s race, although there is an implication of blackness Fyrehaar: we are laughing at his buddies Fyrehaar: who do all this planning and get fucked Sonic Rob: I dunno, Leeroy’s pretty fuckin funny too Fyrehaar: so I would say Fyrehaar: probably not Fyrehaar: it’s more like, Yo, is this Geekist? Continue reading Chat Box