Chat Box: Spoiling Your Spoilers With Spoilers So Spoily They’re Spoiling Themselves, Yo

FyreHaar: finished the main story in Ass Creed Rev
Sonic Rob: oh, right on

It's just gonna be a whole lot of this

Sonic Rob: did you cry for Altair?
FyreHaar: no dude
FyreHaar: he died well!
Sonic Rob: I was happy for Ezio
FyreHaar: yeah
FyreHaar: I liked his ending
Sonic Rob: he realized that wasn’t for him
Sonic Rob: giving every last measure for the brotherhood
FyreHaar: well that was part of the message from Altair
Sonic Rob: exactly
Sonic Rob: that was why I thought Altair’s ending was kinda tragic
Sonic Rob: it was a “don’t be like me” ending
FyreHaar: yeah
FyreHaar: he learns the lesson too late
FyreHaar: I liked that Ezio realized that he was just a conduit
FyreHaar: and called out to Desmond at the end
FyreHaar: I thought that was sort of dope
FyreHaar: that he had learned enough to recognize the moment
Sonic Rob: well, I think it diminishes Ezio to boil him down to two conversations for Desmond’s benefit
FyreHaar: no, he has to do everything to make it happen
FyreHaar: if he is who he is, Desmond never gets the message
FyreHaar: I like that Subject 16 looks like Altair’s son
FyreHaar: good continuity
Sonic Rob: It would kill me to find out that this big important thing was gonna happen long after I could do a damned thing. But he just does his bit and then lets it go.
FyreHaar: yeah
FyreHaar: and he gets a hot red head wife
FyreHaar: not bad
FyreHaar: I liked that he was gonna just walk away
FyreHaar: and then he goes back when Ahmet threatens her
Sonic Rob: I didn’t even pick up on Subject 16 looking like Altair’s boy
FyreHaar: it’s only really apparent right at the end
FyreHaar: when the son’s hair is gray
Sonic Rob: ah, so he looks blonder
Sonic Rob: I kinda didn’t quite get 16’s arc
FyreHaar: I think 16 is there because he has been
FyreHaar: but he finally escaped in some way
FyreHaar: no longer trapped
Sonic Rob: ok, but he is sort of helpful and sort of threatening
FyreHaar: yeah
FyreHaar: well
FyreHaar: well, he’s trying to find out who Desmond is
FyreHaar: if Desmond is worthy
Sonic Rob: at the end when he’s like “I’m trying to save you” I was all “How does this help me? Wait, you’re trying to take over my brain!”
FyreHaar: no
FyreHaar: he was making the animus think that he was Desmond
FyreHaar: by having explored his memories
FyreHaar: to give Desmond a chance to get out
Sonic Rob: that was not at all clear to me
FyreHaar: oh, I got it
Sonic Rob: did you do the Desmond side stuffs?
FyreHaar: yeah
FyreHaar: did you?
Sonic Rob: yeah
Sonic Rob: some of it was very clever
FyreHaar: dude
FyreHaar: the desmond stuff was super clever
FyreHaar: and prolly looks amazing in 3D
Sonic Rob: I like how it gets less and less abstract as you go
FyreHaar: yeah
Sonic Rob: like the farm one is mostly geometric
Sonic Rob: I almost wept at the river bit when it hit me
Sonic Rob: then the new york one was amazing
Sonic Rob: and then his captivity at abstergo
FyreHaar: he is becoming more and more whole
Sonic Rob: I thought it was that the memories are becoming more recent
FyreHaar: I was kind of pissed though
FyreHaar: I got a trophy for all the data fragments
FyreHaar: and that was it!
FyreHaar: no weapon or anything!
Sonic Rob: did you get all the Ishak Pasha letters?
FyreHaar: yeah
FyreHaar: bad ass armour!
FyreHaar: with a mask!
Sonic Rob: fuckin A
FyreHaar: got that before I did the last mission
FyreHaar: fucking dope
FyreHaar: I started going back to get 100% on some stuff
FyreHaar: memory one dudes can’t even hurt me!

For all intents and purposes

Sonic Rob: there are some seriously sloppy bits of design in that game tho
FyreHaar: ??
Sonic Rob: Example:
Sonic Rob: you get a sword and dagger that are each 5-stars across the board for doing the Master Assassin missions
Sonic Rob: you can do these by Sequence 5 or 6
Sonic Rob: they are ridiculously easy to get
Sonic Rob: but the game is still unlocking weapons with 3 and 4 star stats by sequence 8
FyreHaar: yeah
FyreHaar: optional stuff
FyreHaar: The game is OP
FyreHaar: like all the bombs and shit
FyreHaar: your assassins
Sonic Rob: I feel like maybe the apprentice system wasn’t as developed as it could have been
FyreHaar: yeah
Sonic Rob: maybe more was designed
Sonic Rob: and they rushed the game out
FyreHaar: fucking den defense fucking fuck fuck
FyreHaar: the Gatling gun
FyreHaar: I can’t fucking kill it!!!
FyreHaar: my cannon shots
FyreHaar: don’t hit it when I aim at it
FyreHaar: what the fuck!
Sonic Rob: the cannon does nothing to the siege engines
FyreHaar: how are you supposed to kill them??
Sonic Rob: you need rifles and bomb guys
FyreHaar: GAR!!!!!!!!!!
Sonic Rob: they don’t explain den defense at all

Should have come right there in the box with the disc

FyreHaar: and then I have almost run out of dens that can even be attacked
Sonic Rob: and you want 3 wins
FyreHaar: yeah
FyreHaar: I have one left
FyreHaar: so now I have to wait for the fuckers to attack me
Sonic Rob: go back and replay the tutorial 2 more times
Sonic Rob: it will count
FyreHaar: really?
Sonic Rob: that’s how I got it
Sonic Rob: also the Iron Curtain achievement
FyreHaar: damn
FyreHaar: I love you
Sonic Rob: I love you too <3
FyreHaar: dude marneus was getting down last night!
FyreHaar: he loves ass creed!
Sonic Rob: does he like Space Marine?
FyreHaar: he hasn’t played it
FyreHaar: should give it a go
FyreHaar: I though Ezio’s little love story was cute
FyreHaar: not overdone
FyreHaar: I liked when he was picking flowers with his hidden blade
FyreHaar: that was dope
Sonic Rob: “Saluuuuuteeeeee…”
FyreHaar: then she ambushed him with a picnic
FyreHaar: like he’s trying be all cool and just friends and I’m too old for you
FyreHaar: and she’s like fuck that!
Sonic Rob: Do we see her again after the cart/parachute chase?
Sonic Rob: which was pretty epic, btw
FyreHaar: yeah, that was awesome
FyreHaar: she goes with Ezio to Masayaf!
Sonic Rob: that’s right
Sonic Rob: and that’s where the story ends
FyreHaar: yeah
FyreHaar: have you seen embers yet?
Sonic Rob: nope, you?
FyreHaar: no, just the preview
Sonic Rob: he’s like 80 and they have kids and all?
FyreHaar: yeah
Sonic Rob: how hilarious was playing as old Altair still stabbin fools?
FyreHaar: fucking awesome
FyreHaar: just roll up
FyreHaar: and stab em in the throat
Sonic Rob: in their defense, he looks way different
FyreHaar: he’s decrepit
FyreHaar: it’s stealth mode
Sonic Rob: and he has an accent now, which threw me too. I can see how they wouldn’t recognize him from the first game ;P
FyreHaar: I hated that
FyreHaar: I liked his voice from the first game
FyreHaar: then they went and made him match Ezio
Sonic Rob: kinda
FyreHaar: I liked when you are walking up to Abbas
FyreHaar: and dudes attack you, you disarm them and then they bow
Sonic Rob: btw when the FUCK did Altair get a gun?
FyreHaar: right??
FyreHaar: it was all about how the apple had shown him the future
Sonic Rob: in 1200?!?!
Sonic Rob: I thought Leonardo invented that thing
FyreHaar: same deal with the double blade
FyreHaar: he did
FyreHaar: Altair saw it in the apple
FyreHaar: and the double blades
FyreHaar: but then he doesn’t give it to the rest of them
Sonic Rob: and Altair also became a brilliant chemist/mechanical engineer?
FyreHaar: yes
FyreHaar: it was cheap
Sonic Rob: I found shooting Abbas fantastically unsatisfying
FyreHaar: I wanted to stab his ass in the throat
FyreHaar: like
FyreHaar: his guards would just back off
FyreHaar: he would attack
FyreHaar: and Altair would counter and kill him with his own blade
FyreHaar: or something equally awesome
FyreHaar: did you use your eagle vision during that mission to see the little vignettes with Maria?
Sonic Rob: yeah
FyreHaar: and in the marco polo one
FyreHaar: you can see your ghostly assassins
Sonic Rob: I knew EXACTLY how to escape from Masyaf, too
FyreHaar: when Maria dies?
Sonic Rob: when Ezio goes to Masyaf at the start you see Altair go through the window
Sonic Rob: I was waiting for that
FyreHaar: I totally went right there
FyreHaar: thanks, ghostly ancestor!
Sonic Rob: I like how it turns out Altair is the one who moved the Assassins out of Masyaf
Sonic Rob: like he finally figured out “being in one easily identified place isn’t making us safer”
Sonic Rob: they already have dens in every city
Sonic Rob: why do they need a fortress?
FyreHaar: they can’t kill you if they can’t find you
FyreHaar: you don’t want to become a goverment
FyreHaar: or rulers
Sonic Rob: sure, that’s what Templars are for
FyreHaar: you want to support people where they are
FyreHaar: you know what I want?
FyreHaar: I want an ass creed with a female protagonist
FyreHaar: like the chick from embers
FyreHaar: I already like that female assassin recruits function the same as male assassin recruits
Sonic Rob: I wonder what Desmond would have to say about that
Sonic Rob: it lends itself to a certain intrusive perviness
FyreHaar: why?
FyreHaar: oh yeah
FyreHaar: if sam from quantum leap can do it
Sonic Rob: yeah, and it was frequently a big deal in Quantum Leap
Sonic Rob: Also, Sam didn’t remember a strange woman’s vagina

"Al, any idea where my testicles wound up?"

FyreHaar: heh
FyreHaar: I would just like to see it
Sonic Rob: as an example, imagine Desmond’s reaction as the woman he’s remembering finally manages to seduce that hunky French assassin she’s been pursing all game
Sonic Rob: the lights fade down…
Sonic Rob: and Desmond bolts out of his Animus to take a shower
Sonic Rob: “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiii”
FyreHaar: or they could just not
FyreHaar: they could leave it out
FyreHaar: or Desmond could be a bit enlightened
FyreHaar: it’s not like Ezio or Altair got that much action in game
Sonic Rob: Ezio got play all over the place
FyreHaar: yeah
FyreHaar: but actually getting busy?
Sonic Rob: Caterina
FyreHaar: yeah
FyreHaar: that one time
Sonic Rob: Cristina, back when he was a kid
FyreHaar: and then Altair with Maria in Acre
FyreHaar: but really they don’t have to ensure that any female assassin gets down during the game
Sonic Rob: My vote for AC3 if it isn’t a Desmond story is the French and American Revolutions
Sonic Rob: you run around trying to start the revolution and depose the tyrannical French monarchy, then have to clean up during the Terror
FyreHaar: a lot of other people are hoping he goes to asia
FyreHaar: I think he should go to Masyaf
FyreHaar: and pick up Ezio’s weapons
Sonic Rob: there’s a fucking Apple in Masyaf, someone better go there
Sonic Rob: you don’t leave those laying about
FyreHaar: word
Sonic Rob: although I suppose it’s pretty safe now
Sonic Rob: the Templars aren’t going to learn where it is
Sonic Rob: bit obvious tho, I can’t believe they just forgot about that library they never got into
FyreHaar: or maybe in modern times that one is already running around
FyreHaar: and Desmond had to see it with Ezio because it was gone in his day
Sonic Rob: well, we know from Subject 16 that the Templars were super successful in modern times in using the Apples for power and gain
FyreHaar: yeah
FyreHaar: so I bet they have it
Sonic Rob: they’re around
Sonic Rob: I think it’s implied that they used one to fake the moon landing


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