Month: October 2012

Be Careful What You Wish For

Alongside the news that Disney is buying out Lucasfilm from George Lucas/Lucas is buying his way into Disney using his company as collateral, numerous web sites are reporting that the buyout announcement is accompanied by news of Star Wars Episode VII, the pointless continuation of a perfectly-concluded film trilogy that many Star Wars fans have probably already got a homemade script for, and which will be derided by each and every one of those fans for not being true to the franchise due to even minor variations from their ironclad expectations.

Sorry to disappoint those fans, but we have the script for the first Disney-produced Star Wars film, and it is… probably not what you are hoping for.

Leaked first scene of the script to STAR WARS EPISODE VII
By about 8 script doctors, with creative input from GEORGE LUCAS

OPENING CRAWL:

It is a time of great upheaval. The destruction of the second DEATH STAR and the death of EMPEROR PALPATINE at the hands of his apprentice DARTH VADER have signaled the end of the evil GALACTIC EMPIRE. The forces of the REBELLION continue to fight pockets of Imperial resistance, but the vast majority of the galaxy is now free from oppression.

With freedom, however, comes the opportunity for crime and farcical misbehavior. On the run from his former employers, the HUTTS of Tattooine, Corellian smuggler CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW and his motley crew of miscreants are seeking a treasure that could bring them the greatest prize of all: eternal life.

With both the forces of the disintegrating Empire and the victorious Rebellion in hot pursuit, Captain Jack and the crew of the BLACK PEARLY FALCON desperately race to stay one step ahead of their enemies and reach the prize first…

PAN DOWN TO THE FAMILIAR BROWN CURVE OF TATTOOINE, THE SANDY BUTTHOLE OF THE GALAXY ITSELF

THE BLACK PEARLY FALCON, A BATTERED BUT SPEEDY MERCHANT VESSAL ZOOMS INTO FRAME FROM BELOW, LASER BLASTS WHIPPING PAST IT NOISILY IN VIOLATION OF ALL PHYSICAL LAWS

Continue reading Be Careful What You Wish For

Chat Box: We Played Dishonored For You

Sig Fem Seks: Story: Dishonored is the story of Corvo Smith, a supernatural assassin living in a near future past city called Ratsburg. Ratsburg has become overrun with giant killer rats, and Corvo is recruited by a secret organization called “The Skeleton Masks” to kill the city guards he can find, who continue to fuel the rat infestation with their poor sanitation habits. Corvo is hunted by the game’s antagonist, Spymaster Killgallon, who will stop at nothing to stop and capture Corvo so that he may use his supernatural powers to make the Queen of Ratsburg fall deeply in love with him. Corvo must ultimately decide between helping rid the city of these pests by using his powers to murder those who oppose him, or use his abilities to make the Queen fall in love while remaining stealthy and reserved. When the ghost of Corvo’s wife appears to him in the middle of the night, Corvo must make the most important decision of his life.
Sonic Rob: Strategy tip: Acquiring too much honor through doing good deeds will lose Corvo his Dishonored status, ending the game. If you find yourself unable to assassinate your underage orphan targets, make sure to regularly visit Rape Alley to keep your honor in check.
Continue reading Chat Box: We Played Dishonored For You

How much time do I have?

Hey Sonic-

I think our respective game playing time budgets can be surmised from the fact that in 13 days from the last post I have managed to watch three of the trailers.

The only game I can reasonably expect to play out of this season’s crop is Assassin’s Creed III. I am all about stabbing and sneaking. We’ve been with the series from the beginning and I find it engaging. When they mess with history I feel a bit stroppy but I’ll get over it.

Speaking of stabbing people in the throat, Dishonored looks promising. I really enjoyed Bioshock and I’m a sucker for atmosphere. Throw in the rat minions and I’m sold.

I’ve never delved into FarCry/Crysis and I’m not likely to start now. Same for Resident Evil. I’m not into scary things so I’m going to pass on this one.

The Leatherworker will be well pleased to try out the new XCom, being an officianado of the original series. Don’t know if he’ll kitchen to a reduced difficulty. That was part of the charm, as far as I could tell.

I can’t believe you did a Midnight thing for Black Friday.  No savings are worth that. The ROI just isn’t there. If you do it again can you get me a copy of Darksiders?

-fh